Memories!!

why do u always txt me or talk to me on msn when i've forgotten you?
why do u always spot me on the street and talk to me when i've tried to avoid u??
why do u always remind me of the good times we had?
why do u make me think u might miss me even for a second?
why do u make me feel amazing for that split second?
why do u look at me in tht way,the way that makes me think u like me?
why do u go all quite when your around me?
why do u hug me like u used to?
why do u get in my head and stay there?
why do u smile like that at me,that way that makes me melt?
why do u make me go shy?
why do i remember when we kissed??
why can i still feel it on my lips??
why does our song always come on the radio??
why do u make me what to be back in arms again?
why when i smell your after shave to i always miss you?
why did u make those stupid promises to me that you couldn't keep?
why do i miss everything about you?
why do the little things remind me of you?
why is this happening when i was stronger and more independant then ever?
why did you keep coming back in my life?
why do i never want to forget you?
why do i miss more now then ever before?
why do i love you more now then i loved you before?
why did you say good bye??

I wrote this when i was 16 years old, its one of my favourite pieces and that's why i've choose to repost it. Its been 4 years since i last looked at and it brought back some memories reading it. It was about the first boyfriend I'd ever had and how i was feeling some time after we broke, cause at the time I thought life began with him and thats we're life was going to end with him, I was naive to think this however it made me wonder while reading what had happened to that girl who was so very romantic, who believed that prince charming would rescue her from the dpets of depression. shortly after this was written i got into a very serious relationship which lasted 2 years, some of this was happy times others no so happy.
After coming out the other side I still today wonder if that 2 year realtionship made me a much more cynical person, cause i know for a fact I don't think I'd be capable of writing something that heartfelt something fueled with that much passion and pain all at the same time.
part of me wonders does this happen to everyone?? through the heartbreak, the let downs, the unfufilled promises amongst everything does this turn us into people who are indeed cynical, do we expect less or more in relationships cause of previous heartbreaks?
I like to think that that little 16 year girl still lives a bit in me today despite the heartaches and let downs, she's the part of me who keeps me motivated, knowing some day indeed my prince will come. Now don't get me confused with some desperate girl in search of a boyfriend I'm highly independent and very comfortable with myself,
however today while reading that and other pieces I had written when i was a hormone fuelled teenager made me cringe first and then think and look back at how far I'd come and how lucky I'd truly been since forever I'd wished for a 'rockstar boyfriend' as i called him, i got him and realised 2 years this wasn't my dream, I was never ment to stand in someones shadow I was ment to shine.
Sometimes I think we need to remind ourseleves of our 16 year old selves, the years when we thought we knew everything but knew nothing, in fairness though sometimes i still have my 16year old mentality after a few drinks but thats a completly different story.
I know from reading my old writings today that it has reminded me of how far i've come and how my way of looking at things has changed its amazing how in such a small amount of time your whole perspective of life can change without you even realising.